I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
