You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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