i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
