how can u be prego again
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
