Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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