oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
