She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize