If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
