It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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