My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
