I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize