She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
