not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
