did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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