We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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