How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
