I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
