i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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