Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
too bad you live with your parents still
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
