At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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