That's intense
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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