wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
