I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
