fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
