My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
