My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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