by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
