You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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