This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize