i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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