Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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