I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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