Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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