We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
