Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
