Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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