That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
