and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
