I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
