sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
