Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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