i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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