I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
