Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
