I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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