dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
