i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
