Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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