I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
