Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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