Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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