Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
