I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
