Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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