I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
