i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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