Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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