it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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