Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
