craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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