the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
