I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
