I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
