I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
