Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
