EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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