did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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