I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
